station72 | mental link; whichever day is today

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mental link; whichever day is today

[The mental voice is... hesitant. Like he's trying his best to modulate his tone, and not sure if he's speaking too loudly or too softly.]

(This has probably been a long time coming... but I have to admit. I'm not good with people in my head.) [A flicker of regret and flashing images quickly stifled.] (Or at controlling what goes through my mind. Someone here called them flashbacks. Guess that works out.)

(It's a long story.)

[So please don't ask, goes unsaid, but like a lot of things here, it's probably felt.]

(But it's been affecting others here, and for that, I'm sorry. I need to be better at this. So I'm asking for help...)

[So he doesn't accidentally overwhelm the wrong person with the wrong memory. Or panic right in front of someone.]

(And before anyone asks - the answer to 'are you okay' is ... not something I want to talk about right now. Sorry.)

[Wait, wait, crap. How does he close this. There's a flustered feeling before just... the mental image of a closed comm connection. He figures that's as good as anything.]

[For anyone who wants to talk in person, he's hauled himself back up onto the roof, bundled up into an oversized hoodie. Black, of course. Hands shoved into his pockets. Probably being all brooding-looking while inside, he's just wondering what it's like to pilot one of the vehicles he sees zooming around.]

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[ Good thing, because there's a trickle of concern there, followed by a quick sense of relief. Good, just enjoying the night sky, like Koujaku used to on his small balcony. He doesn't say anything else, and his mental exit is abrupt like turning off a radio with a flick.

He's only gone a few minutes. As much time as it takes to find a jacket and head upstairs. When he opens the door to the cool night air, he spots Shiro and strolls over with his hands in his pockets. ]

Hey. Nice to finally, uh... officially meet you.

[ His voice is the same as it was over the link, just... not as pleasant to listen to in person, somehow. ]

[The radio motif is... it's weird. But not in a bad way. Comforting, maybe? That it's so clear when someone else is present, when they leave. Maybe he should try to develop something like that.]

[When the door opens, he looks up. Hands are also in his pockets, the hooded sweatshirt a few sizes too big, even on his frame. But his human hand slips out, extending. Metal fingers stay buried, out of sight.]

You too. It's going to take some getting used to, meeting people like that.

[ For a split second, he looks a little confused. Don't you normally shake with your right hand? But by the time he's remembered the image of the broken microwave, the metal hand caught in it, he's already reaching for Shiro's left with his own. Left will do fine. ]

It does take some getting used to, that's for sure.

[ He returns his hand to his pocket, relaxed. ]

You can take your time with it, and someday you'll be better at controlling who you let talk in your head, too. Steve has some of the strongest mental walls and hardly seems to let anyone in, but he's one of the nicest, most generous people here.

[ A little close-minded, (perhaps literally) when it comes to using certain abilities, but Aoba isn't going to let that tarnish his view of Steve completely.

He didn't come up just to talk about who's nice in the Nest, but he'll take his time. The view is clear. There's an actual breeze unhindered by the tall buildings, and it doesn't smell as strongly of exhaust and oil. ]

Whoa... I should've come up here sooner. The air is better. It's not island air, but it's nicer up here.

[ And a good place to clear a tired mind. ]

Controlling who talks? As in, private conversations in your head?

[Go figure. Maybe he should have known. Or at least, thought of that. It'd be useful -- especially if there's sensitive things you want to discuss with certain people, and certain people only.]

[His grip is calm, not squeezing or crushing. Nothing to try and prove, or try to dominate. Just a simple handshake before he slides human fingers back into his pocket too.]

Steve? You're the second person to mention him. Sounds like I really need to meet the guy.

[But then the subject shifts, and he can't help but smile a little. It is nicer up here. Clearer. And that's not just because of the air. His attention stays on the moving lights below.]

I like it. Seeing a city like this again... it's almost as good as being back home.

[It's not piloting, but it's close.]

Yeah. I tend to leave my connection a little more open most of the time, but I can't blame others for wanting privacy... that's just normal. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it when you're ready, but if you want help, Steve is really good at it.

[ Aoba smiles and turns back to the lights below as well. If he squints, it could almost pass for Midorijima at night, just... without that eyesore of a walled dome behind the humble skyline. The thought is pleasant. ]

Heh, yeah. Almost.

[ The breeze picks back up, and he carefully (so carefully) tucks his hair back behind his ears to keep it from floating in his face. It still hurts to touch, but the sensation of feeling in his hair is one he's been good about keeping off the mental network.

Speaking of keeping things off the network, he did come up here to say something in person. He's still not in a rush, but there's no better way to say something than to just say it, right? ]

Um, well... what I wanted to tell you is just that, if you ever want someone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen. I mean, in case you wanted anyone outside your brood anyway. It's no trouble.

[ His hand wanders from tucking his hair aside to scratching at back of his neck, awkward. His intentions aren't entirely unselfish. ]

You kind of remind me of a friend. My best friend, actually. I wanted to be there for him in a similar way...

A couple people have mentioned tutors. I'll... definitely be looking into it.

[As a way to protect others, more than anything. Keeping himself quiet and safe is a secondary concern. Everyone else is primary. If he doesn't even remember that year, there must be a reason for it.]

[One he doesn't wish on anyone.]

[His eyes actually close at the breeze. It's welcome. So very welcome after all that time at the Castle. In space. It's like flying, a little -- like when he feels his mind and the Black connect, like feeling air of alien worlds across alien metal.]

[He's a little lost in the thought -- it's always easy to slip back into that particular memory, a good one, thankfully -- when the other speaks up. He blinks a few times, shaking it off, and looking over at him.]

That's really kind of you. It seems like everyone wants to lend an ear. [And he doesn't know what to say to it. If it's even right to accept. So, naturally, he takes up the conversation on the other words.]

But it didn't work out? If it's all right to ask.

Huh? Oh, yeah, it's fine.

[ Aoba's turn to snap out of it. It's easy to slip into memories of home up here, and a lot of his memories of Koujaku are good ones. A little annoying sometimes, a little confusing, but mostly good.

Mostly. ]

When we were little, he left our island to visit the mainland with his mother. Something... something happened to him there. I don't know the whole story since he never talked about it. But, I wanted to be there for him in case he ever wanted to, you know?

[ He lowers his hands, rubbing them almost unconsciously, brushing fingers over knuckles. ]

He was still the same cheerful guy when he came back, but he was different too. He had all these scars...

[ So many little cuts healed over on his hands. Aoba can still picture them perfectly in his mind, a cigarette poised delicately between the fingers.

And his face. Had there been another, worse mark under his hair, always over one eye? He might never know now. ]

He even had one like yours. Right there.

[ He tries to smile, as much for Shiro as for himself, as he points to the bridge of his nose. He doesn't mean to make light of it in a bad way, but he and Koujaku really could have matched. ]

[He doesn't say anything for a while, just listening. Stories like this are important, and the least you can do is listen when someone offers them. Like now.]

[Although he can't help but think, that for anyone else -- and the mental images of dozens of different scars flick through his mind, the vague sort of horror seeing every one of them and not knowing where they came from, seeing his face in the mirror for the first time and not recognizing it -- for anyone else that would be different.]

[Wouldn't it?]

[He doesn't say that out loud, however. He doesn't have the right to minimize someone else's possible hurt.]

He never told you where they came from? That... seems a little weird.

[But then he's lifting his real fingers to touch the mark across his face. Almost like he wants to hide it in his hand.]

I... don't really have a story to tell, there, sorry. [A pause, heavy and reluctant.] I don't know where it came from.

Oh. I didn't- I'm sorry...

[ He didn't mean to make it seem like he was asking. Even though the beginning of a question flickers across his mind, Aoba checks his own curiosity. How strange Shiro doesn't remember getting a scar like that. But then, it's not so strange. Aoba is missing years of his own life, and it's not something he'd bring up lightly either. Instead he switches back, for both their sakes- ]

No. I never asked... not that I didn't care, I just didn't want to pry. Maybe he was just... trying to protect me. Koujaku was always protecting me.

[ Not unlike how Shiro is trying to protect the Nest. ]

It's fine.

[He says it a bit hurriedly. Honestly, just trying to brush the whole thing off and move on in the gentlest way possible.]

[Anything, not to talk about what's missing. In more ways than one.]

He sounds like a good guy to have around. I'm sorry he's not here with you.

Yeah. I do miss him.

[ Silence settles in. Aoba shifts his feet, his hands still held together. Awkward. ]

A-anyway, um. There was one other thing. Please don't take it the wrong way, I just... want to help, if I can.

[ He closes his eyes for a second. Breathes in, breathes out, opens them again. Somehow it's harder talking about this in person. In mental discussion, he can at least hide how red and nervous he gets when he brings this up. ]

I have this ability... it's not a symbiote ability. It's something I've been able to do my whole life, I just... found out about it a few months ago. The symbiote helps me control it.

[ A beat. A breath. ]

I can control people with the sound of my voice, if I try to. I can also... enter someone's mind, with my voice. While I'm inside them, I can find and destroy pieces of their mind. Permanently.

[ He pauses again, but not for long. Doesn't want to give that time to sink in, jn case Shiro has another reaction similar to the one he felt when they first talked. So he keeps going, hasty, almost pleading- ]

B-before you say anything, I know. It sounds awful. But I really think I can use it for good. I want to help people - especially the Nest. And... if you think it could help whatever it is troubling you... I'm here.

[He goes very quiet. Listening to him.]

[Honestly, he doesn't know what to think. People with strange abilities is a new thing, as far as he's concerned. Not sure what to make of it. Or of the power itself.]

[It's... not the first person to offer up memory erasure as an option. And it makes his eyes widen a little. But his brain hurries to supply reasoning to the surprise. Not judgment. No -- surprise. Not bad. It can't be something he controls.]

[And he'd know all about having powers you can't control. Right?]

If you use it to help people... I don't think it's that awful.

[But--] Someone else said they could do the same thing. I don't... I don't know if I could do that yet.

[ Now Aoba goes quiet. His turn for wide, surprised eyes, pale and hazel. One reason for it is pleasant - he's glad to not feel judged.

He knows there are others in the Nest with powers very similar to his, so perhaps he shouldn't be so shocked about that. Psychic abilities that also weren't granted by the symbiote. Multiple offers. ]

Who... if you don't mind me asking, who offered...? It wasn't Petre, was it?

[ His broodmate would be too wreckless with Shiro's mind, as would a few of the others. Even if it's all hypothetical, Shiro would want someone more careful to help, right? ]

[He grimaces. No, if it was that guy, he wouldn't even consider it. The look on his face should probably say everything that needs saying. Even so...]

No. Not him. It's Kylo Ren, he said his name was.

[He has no idea if the guy is well-known or not. But he's got nothing against him. Ren always seemed like a decent individual -- albeit harsh and driven.]

[ Relief crosses him when Shiro confirms it's not his broodmate offering help, but it's brief. Very brief. It's difficult to keep his concern down when that name comes up. ]

Oh. I'm glad it's not Petre, but I... would be careful around him, too. I've only crossed paths with him once in the... six? Months we've both been here.

[ For good reason. Aoba rings his hands, eyes cast downward, growing nervous and angered as he recalls that first day. ]

He... stabbed my consciousness with his own and strangled it like he was trying cause pain, for no apparent reason. He's unpredictable, blunt... that's why I try to stay away from him.

[ That, and because something strange had happened. A feeling of his body moving and mouth speaking beyond his control. He doesn't want that guy to make it happen again. ]

I ran into him when I got here.

[And from his tone, you wouldn't even need to have mind-reading abilities to know it went over about as well as a ton of bricks. To say the least.]

[His expression hardens. He can't help it. These days it's reflex. This protective urge. Out of everything that's happened to him, lately, that's the least of his worries.]

I'm not going to claim I'm very good with this mental communication... but he backed off me fairly quickly.

If he bothers you again, I'll do what I can.

[He means it, too. It doesn't even surprise him to realize it, by now.]

Good. I don't want him hurting anyone else like that, or y-

[ Aoba stops mid-sentence, surprised by Shiro's last one. That's... kind and vague. He'd do what he can? The sentiment seems nice, but Aoba would rather not find out what he means by that. Maybe he made himself sound too paranoid or frightened there. He laughs nervously, but there's certainty in what he says. ]

Heh... thanks? I'm not afraid of him, you know. I can stand up to him if I have to... without using my abilities. But thanks.

[Well.]

[Now there's color across his cheekbones. While he grimaces and glances away.]

Sorry, it's... kind of a reflex at this point. "Someone's in trouble? Go help out".

Heh, it's alright. That's really noble of you. Koujaku was similar in that way too...

[ He trails off, glancing from Shiro to the cityscape again. If Kylo Ren hasn't already sunk his claws in, perhaps he could still help... If he couldn't help Koujaku overcome whatever it was he refused to talk about, maybe he could help Shiro with something that felt similar.

Though - only if that's what Shiro wants. ]

Anyway, I'll uh... leave you be. But please think about what I said, if you'd like to uh... do something like that. It... it wouldn't even be the destruction of your memories, if you wanted to keep everything in tact. More like... destruction of the fear, or whatever it is surrounding those memories, so you can look at what's troubling you with some clarity.

[ Fear was certainly one of the swirling emotions Aoba remembers feeling that one fleeting time. Panic, stress, fear of the unknown. He could try to pinpoint those feelings latched to the blurry memories, destroy them, use his powers for good. That would be good... right? It may still be more to think about than what Shiro needs right now. ]

Ah, I'm rambling again... I should just say goodnight. Forgive me.

"Noble" is, uh. That's one way to put it. Most people say "reckless heroics".

[Most people being literally anyone who knew him for five minutes. So he's a bit flustered by the compliment. The color in his cheeks hasn't faded in the least.]

I'll think about it. If it turns out working through it will take too much time, put too many people at risk... it might be the only option.

[Because that's the real problem here. It's not a matter of wanting an easy way out for his own sake. No, he's more than willing to work his ass off if he has to. But that takes time. It's a luxury the people dragged into his memories might not have.]

[His memories.]

[The apology gets a sort of half-smile, tired and easy.] Nothing to apologize for. Not like you woke me up.

[HAHAHAH, him?? Sleep??? That's hilarious.]

Thanks. For offering -- it didn't seem like it was an easy thing to do.

[ That's weird, is Shiro... blushing? Aoba can't really tell in the dim nighttime light. Maybe it's just his scar. He shouldn't stare.

Whatever it is, he's going a little red himself. ]

Um, well, it's... easier to talk about using my abilities here than it would have been at home. We're all a little different now, thanks to the Nest. So, everyone kind of understands on some level.

[ It's meant to be encouraging. ~~Shiro would dang well know about aliens making their own adjustments now wouldn't he~~. ]

Well, get some rest soon. Goodnight, Shiro.

[ With a small wave and a turn, he pockets his hands in his jacket again and heads back inside. ]

[We're all a little different now...]

[There's a twitch in his shoulders. He turns away, slightly, out toward the city. The color on his cheeks vanishing as suddenly as it came. Fighting not... to broadcast the thoughts bouncing through his head. Waking up and not knowing why part of you was gone. Why it was different. Why the face looking back at you wasn't... yours any longer.]

[He doesn't say any of this out loud. This guy doesn't need it dumped on him.]

Easier said than done, but ... I'll give it a shot.

You too.

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mental link; whichever day is today

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