[backdated to day 44: mental link]

[adamance]

[Withholding information had not been Lexa's goal, but she had wanted to thoroughly research what she could before she brought it to the rest of the Nest. For that reason, Lexa has been busy, but has been careful not to reveal what she has in hand until she's ready. Even as she prepares to speak to the Nest, she's not completely prepared, and there's a sense of agitation over this.

By now, she already knows the results of them following Ven, but they haven't yet received the information they require. Why they didn't take the opportunity is bothersome in and of itself, but there is little that she can change about that. It's about moving forward, and it's not as if she has the fullest degree of faith in the Nest. Nothing changes that.]

( Today, I'd like to speak to you all about the results of our meeting with Mind Life. The conversations we had prior to this meeting with the hacker group that privately contacted us may have been accurate on this front. ) [She deliberates revealing what she told them about their goals, but decides against it: Mind Life's desperation to remain stagnant and inactive is worrisome, to say the least.] ( They have their hearts in the right place, but not their minds. I'd say it's ironic given the name of their organization, but not surprising. They prefer passive communication over action. Their idealism may be worthwhile, but they have little help to offer because they refuse to make a show of any aggression.

As a result, our only boon from them is a list of people who they deem trustworthy. Or untrustworthy. Unsurprisingly, Saffit is on the list of unsavory individuals. She doubts that even the untrustworthy men could be behind the bombings, but we may come to see her perspective as one of denial given her unwillingness to act.

I've done the beginning search into many of the other individuals named, but I cannot be as thorough as any of our technical people. Trust that I will not be handing over this list lightly, and that the contents of it will not be available to everyone in the Nest. I would rather prevent any reactionary behavior as a result of what Sheena Frey chose to write down. ) [If anything, she refuses to share everything on the list with the Nest. She may give names, or an idea of whether or not someone is on the list, but she doesn't want any of the Hosts to set out on a crusade.

Especially when she can barely trust Sheena's judgment.]

Comments

[adamance]

( What do you gain from this? )

[wrackful]

( Nothing. )

[He doesn't care about the mission, the list, or people arguing with Lexa. He's just never shaken the habit of chiming in on something when there's an opportunity to do so.]

[adamance]

( So long as you're no longer continuing the habit of thinking every word that comes from my mouth is meant to persecute you in some way.

There are enough lining up for that. )

[Murphy can be annoying all he wants. She could start an argument with him here, but doesn't really see the value in it.]

[wrackful]

[A slightly incredulous kind of amusement rises. If that's what she thought he'd been doing, she had a really poor perception of him. But then, that wasn't unusual. He doesn't bother arguing it, just responds, dry:]

( Yeah, maybe I should tell them what it's really like to be persecuted by you and your people. )

[adamance]

( I'm given to understand that your people are guilty of the same. Otherwise, my people may not have found you.

That said, I realize Titus had cause to not mention it, but your people and my people are one and the same. )

[This is not a casual "btw I'm your boss," but she certainly took the opportunity to drop it there.]

[wrackful]

( You mean before he killed himself and left me with Ontari? No, he didn't mention much, but she had a lot to say about what was going to happen to my people. )

[adamance]

[A sore point, given what happened, but she presses on regardless:]

( Bellamy showed me some of the ruins left of Polis. Ontari never ascended.

I'm given to understand that Clarke is the new Commander in all but the permanence of being a nightblood. Clarke would never abandon her people, just as I wouldn't. )

[wrackful]

( You seriously believe the grounders are going to follow Clarke. )

[It's a burst of incredulity that dims, quickly, into a bitter amusement. He can't figure out if it's delusion or naivete, hadn't expected either from her, but maybe being here had made her crazy already.]

( There weren't any of your people when she took the flame. ALIE had basically all of them, because they'd all listened to Ontari and taken chips. Clarke wasn't commander of anything. Just like you are here. )

[adamance]

( At the time of my death, I would agree with you. )

[The words hang in the link between them long enough.]

( But my people recognize strength. They will know what she managed to do for them, and recognize her for it. Will there be some who are reluctant? Yes, but I think they are far more willing to change than many give them credit for. )

[Including Titus. The thought of her teacher and his betrayal is still a sore point, complete with the ache of the memory of their last conversation, her provided smile as she accepted he did all that he could because he cared for her. Looking back on it, it feels foolish to have believed in him as she did.]

[wrackful]

[The attitude bleeding from Murphy's mind doesn't change at any of her words. Grounders recognise strength, he can agree with that, but he'd heard the talk in Polis. They'd already been recognising Clarke, calling her wanheda, and they'd still wanted to wipe her and her people out. They only saw strength as something to try and beat.

But there's no point arguing that with Lexa. She's talking hope, and he knows she won't budge. Funnily enough, it's reminiscent of Clarke.]

( Yeah, forgive me if I don't believe it till I see it. )

[adamance]

( Let us hope we never get confirmation either way. )

[Hope indeed. But it's less that she's taking after Clarke and more that she believes in Clarke's strength and ability above all else.

As Titus feared, it does blind her when it comes to reason, but not as much as it could.]

[wrackful]

( What, not secretly wishing she'll turn up one day? )

[Though there's actually something a little funny about the fact she isn't here already, now he thinks about it. The golden girl left behind while he, Bellamy and Lexa got picked up for this.]

( Wonder how she'd feel knowing her brain isn't as bug-suitable as ours. )

[adamance]

( Clarke's place is with her people. )

[It's a decisive answer. Lexa's own wants aren't factored in, and even if they were, she realizes that it would be the same. She would never ask someone she loved to experience this.]

( And I believe she would feel the same relief that I feel. And the same relief that you would feel knowing that someone you cared for wasn't able to be among us.

Do you have someone like that, John? )

[wrackful]

[Can't take a joke. Another thing she shares with Clarke, obviously.

Dislike at the use of his first name crackles at the connection. He lets it, lets each spit of static give her a burst of Jaha, using his name, acting like it forged some link in knowing him.

It makes it easier to hide Emori.]

( If I did, I wouldn't waste time feeling relieved until I knew they were safe. )

[adamance]

[The crackling dislike is met with surprise. Her usage of his name is less of a matter of knowledge or control: it's cultural. No one refers to other people by their full clan names unless it's a formality, a way of introducing yourself. She'll keep that in mind for the future.]

( And how do you know if someone is safe while we're here? )

[wrackful]

( You don't. Unless you wanna listen to them telling us that's how it is. )

[adamance]

( You have the wrong impression of my people if you think we're easily sated by empty explanations. )

[Then again, he's been tortured by her people and probably questioned multiple times to make sure his answers would be the same, so ... well. Proof??]

[wrackful]

( No, I think I know exactly what kind of explanations your people prefer. And how much blood they'll spill to get them. )

[adamance]

( I intend to spill no blood here unless it's called for. )

[It may be. It may be that spilling blood is the only way to hold on to their identities, to ensure that they aren't assimilated into the Nest against their will.]

[wrackful]

[Unless it's called for doesn't indicate much restraint, in Murphy's experience. Breathe at a grounder wrong and they'd consider it called for.]

( Reassuring. )

[adamance]

( It ought to be. It's not as if you have any answers we need. )

[She's well aware of her people's tendency toward torture ... and has approved of it countless times.

But he'll learn (in time, most likely) that she hasn't seen fit to torture anyone here.]

[wrackful]

( Yeah, I wasn't talking about me. Turns out three rounds and you really stop being scared of that. )

[adamance]

( Then you'll also remember that I rarely bother to do it myself.

Before you choose to interpret that as me finding someone to do it for me—I mean to use other paths to seek out information, but if we have been ripped away from our people to, say, prolong the existence of these symbiotes, I intend to reveal it. Through any means necessary. )

[wrackful]

( Including pissing everyone else off? See, what I remember is that you usually have people following your orders. But like I said, you're not commander here. How far do you think you're going to get on your own? )

[adamance]

( Why are you under the impression that I require blind loyalty in order to be competent? )

[It's not the first time someone's suggested it. But since it's someone from her world, she doesn't brush it off. Lexa is genuinely curious—but there's a hint of agitation.

There's a moment of silence where he could speak, but she adds:] ( And do not count today's proceedings. ) [Her Do Not Trust list was and is remarkably short.]